My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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