did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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