If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
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I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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