Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
