Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
