Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
