Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
