You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
