I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
