I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
