btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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