you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
