Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
