My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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