I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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