we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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