i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
