Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
