if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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