I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize