shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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