Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
