I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
