So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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