im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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