she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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