I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
