dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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