i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
