I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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