belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
