Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
