Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My penis needs a shock collar
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
