Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
