She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
