It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd cum for enchiladas.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
