I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
