you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
