It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
