dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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