so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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