I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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