and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
