Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is the high leading the old right now
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
