I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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