I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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