so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
