I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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