I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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