I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I faked an abortion last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
