Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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