Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
