Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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