I think i sorta joined a cult last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
