I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
