its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
