Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
