Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
