maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I got inside last night via doggy door
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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