I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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