I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize