i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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