I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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