dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
