true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
