First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
