saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
one might say we're banned from that church
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
