I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
