party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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