Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
