Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
