Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
