I hate all girls vehemently.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
