The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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