Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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