It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
