I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
