He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just had sex bonerless
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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